Summer

Chrysanthemums from Baguio

my neighbor's Cactus flower


flower among the grass


Zinia I think


Pastor Mon's Gumamela

The Grand Interferer

I have known people close to God who has their own nickname or terms of endearment for him. Some call him My Lord, others Abba Father and some Papa God. Imagine my amusement when I read the author of The Shack book call God The Grand Interferer. All morning while contemplating what to post in my blog, I was imagining scenes in my mind – If I get the opportunity to meet with God and tell Him some people are calling him The Grand Interferer, I think he will laugh and give me a hi-five.

Early in my life I used to get very fed up with God because he always interfered with my life. He interfered in the choices I made; he interfered with my every day life, my behaviour, my thoughts, my words, my feelings and everything to the point that I can’t enjoy life itself anymore. So one day I decided I had enough of the interfering and I put God inside a box along with my Bible and other books, tied the box tightly with a cord and hid the box in a cabinet under my study table. For a time life became a bit comfortable without him interfering but later on I developed guilt feelings that made me helpless and miserable. It was like the song “Impossible to live with you but I know I can never live without you…” Haruuump!

I often read from my books on God that God wants a relationship with us, not a religion. But my problem is how can I relate to a God I don’t really know personally. I sincerely wish to have a deep relationship with him like the relationship my other sisters had with him. My others sisters knew how to talk to God personally, they knew how to trust him. They were very comfortable with him around and they never think he’s in any way interfering with their life. In my case, I think God is a very hard to please person. I feel he is always and ever displeased with me, that I need to perform well, give my very best to him, if not then I’m a failure.
Until I read The Shack book. Perhaps it was in the way the book was written, or perhaps God’s own sweet time for me to understand these things has at last come, or maybe there’s really a fresh message from God to his people that I came to fully grasp the mystery of a relationship with God. My eyes were opened when the book explained that – TRUST is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. For now, God just wants us to discover that our relationship is not about performance or us having to please him. God is not a bully, not some self-centered, demanding little deity insisting on his own way. God is good and he desires only what is good for us. We cannot find that thru guilt or condemnation or coercion – only thru a relationship of love. And God do loves us.

I discovered my notion of God as someone always interfering with my life was a result of my desire to be independent – to do life my way. But God will have none of it as he says - Inherently I am the pinnacle of his creation and the center of his affection. It is simply foolish to try to live apart from God ain’t it ?!

Also from The Shack book I read this as if God was speaking to me:

“All I want from you is to trust me with what little you can, and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you.”
Now I can sit back and relax, bask in the sunshine of his love, depending on him on a daily basis, letting him do what’s on his mind for me just for today. He’s not in anyway interfering, ok?

Digitally Bionic

My new hearing aid is BTE as my hearing loss is severe to profound already. I needed a powerful aid which is not available in ITE models. I wanted grey or blue color but there's none available. My son thinks the color flesh is so uncool. I promised him a magenta next time around.


Last week I bought me a new hearing aid. It's Phonak from Switzerland. It's my fourth hearing aid since I was twenty-two. Now I'm digitally bionic again. cheers!

The past days I was busy recognizing the new sounds my aid gathers around me. I specialy liked the bird music I hear in the morning when I turn on my aid. I also liked the resurected sounds of my footsteps. But not all sounds are pleasant to hear. Although I avoid using the word hate, that is the only word to describe my reaction against the sound of automobiles and electrical appliances. They're so annoying and even competes with the tinnitus already buzzing inside my ear. Oh well, the audiometrist who fitted me with the Phonak aid said I should have realistic expectations and that learning to use my aid to my greatest advantage will take time. I'm being realistic and patient, ok? At least I can hear and understand speech again. I was surprised to hear my sister's voice again after a long time and I think her voice has matured. My son's voice was good to hear again and I felt like hugging him tight like I missed him terribly. My daughter who had become an expert in lip speaking seem to have forgotten to speak to me in the normal way. I kept telling her to speak up, put voice to her speech. All in all this is a hapy experience I want to document in my blog, thank you.

Anyways, last week when my sister Teresa accompanied me to my audiologist she lent me a book titled The Shack. It is a very controversial book as it contained very radical ideas about God and religion. I have finished reading the book but I'm re-reading it again and I'm taking notes. I'm very excited about this book and will write a long blog post entirely about it soon. For starters, I want to tell you that I'm very happy these days after many years of nursing a 'Certain Sadness' in my heart. The happiness is not the flimsy, human kind of happiness. It is strong and enduring.

Excerpts

When assailed by physical sickness or infirmity

Jesus Himself bore my sins in His own body on the tree, that I having died to sins, might live for righteousness – by whose wounds I was healed.
See I Peter 2:24

I have also prepared the following special proclamation, which combines truths from different Scriptures and which has helped Christians in many areas of the world:

My body is a temple for the Holy Spirit, redeemed, cleansed and sanctified by the blood of Jesus. My members – the parts of my body are instruments of righteousness, presented to God for His service and for His glory. The devil has no place in me, no power over me, no unsettled claims against me. All has been settled by the blood of Jesus.
I overcome Satan by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of my testimony, and I do not love my life to the death. My body is for the Lord, and the Lord is for my body.

Based on:

I Corinthians 6:19;
Ephesians 1:7; John 1:7;
Hebrews 13:12; Romans 6:13; 8:33-34
Revelation 12:11; I Corinthians 6:13

Someone might ask: Is it honest for me to make proclamations such as these, when I see in my body the physical evidences of sickness, or when I feel in my soul the oppositions of sin? The answer depends on your point of view. If you are looking at yourself in your own natural condition, then it is not honest. But if you are looking at yourself as God sees you in Christ, then you have the right to make such a proclamation.

Once we have repented of our sins and committed ourselves to Christ, God no longer looks at us as we are in our natural state. Instead, He looks at us from the perspective of the exchange that took place on the cross. Spiritually, He sees us as made righteous; physically He sees us as made whole.

It is significant, that in the Scriptures, the healing provided through the sacrifice of Jesus is never spoken of in the future tense. In Isaiah 53:5, written more than seven hundred years before the death of Jesus, healing is already presented as an accomplished fact. “By His wounds we are healed”. In the New Testament, in I Peter 2:24, the apostles refer to Isaiah 53:5, but uses the past tense. “By whose stripes you were healed”.

When the words we speak about ourselves agree with what God says about us in Christ, then we open the way for Him to make us in actual experience all that He says we are. But if we fail to make the appropriate confession – or proclamation – about ourselves, we are confined to the prison of our own natural state. We have shut ourselves off from the supernatural, transforming grace of God, which works only thru faith.

Again, someone might ask: What about someone who says and does all the right things, and yet the promised results do not follow? An answer is to be found in the words of Moses in Deuteronomy 29:29 “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.”

The reason some people do not receive some part of the promised blessings often belongs in the category of “secret things”. It is vain for us to seek to pry God’s secrets from Him. It is also irreverent. If God withholds an answer, it is more important to trust than to understand.

On the other hand, the words of Moses reminds us of our responsibility, as God’s people, to believe, to proclaim and to act upon those things He has clearly revealed in His Word. Central to this is the provision God made for us though the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. We must not let our concern about the secret things keep us from believing and obeying things which are revealed.

from Blessing or Curse by Rev. Derek Prince



According to the Scriptures, God has put repented sins behind Him and never looks at them. They are far from Him as the East is from the West. If you keep coming back and asking for forgiveness, He really doesn't know what you are talking about. Repentance. The washing of the blood. Forgiveness. A clean slate. It never happened.

from The Annointing by Rev. Benny Hinn




I consider Rev. Derek Prince's Blessing or Curse and Rev. Benny Hinn's The Annointing as the two most important books I've read in 2008. I recommend that you read them,too.

Notebook and Pens

I recieved a notebook as a New Year gift from my eldest sis Teresa. It has thick cover, with big spirals and came with two stylus fine point pens, one with black and the other with blue astroglide ink or so the label climed. I wish I could show it off here but I forgot my usb cord in NZ so I cant transfer pics from my camera into my pc. Dang dang.

The peculiar thing with me is that I treasure a gift like notebook and pen better than jewelry or clothes. And this morning I began writing my new year notes on them crisp, smelling new pages of my new notebook. I copied Romans 5:3-5 on to it. The verse is about rejoicing in suffering, which produces perseverance then character, then hope. I also reflected on God's faithfulness which is new every morning, new every New year.

Anyways, my new year's resolutions are:

1. dont be lazy, be productive, persevere

2. be frugal, be focused, take life seriously but smile

3. go back to fish, veg, and brown rice diet

4. give up coffee as soon as possible

5. trust the Lord

By the way, I also recieved a Christmas gift from my other sis Luisa. It's a diary this time but I had to leave it behind in NZ as it's a bit heavy it has to be shipped later along with my other things in a balikbayan box. So there, year 2009 will be a year of writing on my notebook, diary, and my pc. Yay!

NZ Pics

My flight back to the Philippines is on the 27th, Saturday. I have some nice pics I can't wait to upload so I will try to upload and I hope this task will not take me forever.

Hannah's birthday dress

Hannah and her friends Esther and Darlene


Hannah turned eighteen last November 2 and this is the birthday dress I made for her. She chose the design and fabric which is linen ramie. In the Philippines the fabric is called 'gusot mayaman' meaning the crumpled look of the rich. :)

NZ

I was quite late in catching the rainbow. It's almost fading but it's really lovely.



My sister Luisa and I just had to sit and watch the ducks as thE zoo is closed already. We were not able to see the animals inside the zoo. Better luck next time.

Mourning to Dancing

He has turned our mourning into dancing

He has changed our sorrows into joys

A song of praise instead of sadness

For our grief the oil of joy.

That we might be trees of righteousness

The planting of the Lord

That He might be glorified.


As far as I can remember, these are the lyrics of a song we used to sing at our summer youth camp. I love this song more than ever today.

Frilly Heart

I made a heart shaped pillow for my niece's wedding. It's made of satin material with lace ruffles, florets with pearl in center and pink ribbon.

If my heart could be as frilly as the satin heart I made, that would be coolness. But mine is a no frills heart. There is even a certain sadness in me heart. Nevertheless, I am a woman who is after God's heart of hearts.

The Bride's Maids Gowns

Jainey's


Hannah's



Heidi's

Stage Mum

My eldest son Bird (Christian San Juan) was among the round 3 winners for hugocreate.

http://hugocreate.com/en/winners.php

Rain

It's been raining here for a week now. I wish I could curl up in bed and just read but there are so many things to do...

Proof of My Busyness

I've just finished my niece Ezra's(yes niece not nephew)wedding gown. Next in line will be the bride's maid's gowns. Will bring the gowns to NZ in September.

See Beti Dance

See what I've been telling everybody, Beti can dance. I caught the dance act on my cellfone video so it's very amateurish. Beti and Oe were playing with the remnants of cloths from my sewing then Beti thought she should dance. I remembered the pink dancing tights my niece Belle used when she was small and gave it to Beti. The next dance video will be better, with music even. Promise.

Onion Induced Tears

This rainy Saturday morning I watched Annie Hall. I'm afraid Woody's aura rubbed a bit on me.Umm... what?



After the moonsoon rains,

the flodding and devastation...

it is no longer possible

to cry me a river.

Onion induced tears are more real

than cat's tears

or crocodile tears

or monkey's tears.

The pillow is more tender hearted

and its soul white and pure.

Praise the Lord, Betina is six years old!

Last Friday was Betina's birthday. She turned six. The four of them, Betina, Chloe and dad Bird and mum Chi went here yesterday and brought yema cake which I forgot to photograph. I cooked pancit bihon or fine Chinese rice noodles mixed with bits of carrots, cabbage, celery and chicken.

I was able to catch Beti and Oe on video while they were playing. Beti gave a very impressive dance performance on my bed. I even took a video of Beti drawing on the new sketch pad I gave her. Sadly the programs in my pc will not cooperate with me and won't play the video when I click play. As Ellen would say, "we need a teen-ager here" to fix the techie problem.

My son Bird lent me two dvd's of foreign language films, both films from Afghanistan. One is titled The Kite Runner and the other Osama. They were about the war and the Taliban. They were sad movies. While watching the films, I came to thinking- so these are the Muslim descendants of Ishmael. I also remembered what my eldest sister explained to me about being very careful to choose to obey and do God's will for our lives, to wait... so that we will avoid getting into an Ishmaelite situation.

Tomorrow I will go to Divisoria to buy additional fabric for the gowns I'm making. I hope the mass transport strike threat will not affect the buses going to Divisoria. Tomorrow will be SONA, too. Our lady president will deliver her Sad State of the Nation Adress. Sad because there's oil price hike every week, rice is now 40 a kilo from the original 30 a kilo, the coast guards were still trying to recover the decaying bodies from the sunken MV Princess of the Stars, the Catholic Church was rejecting the Reproductive Health Bill congress was trying to pass in a desperate effort to remedy the bursting 90 million Philippine population.

Although tomorrow I will go about my own business concerns while my militant countrymen, the laborers and farmers will gather to protest the SONA show, I will still do my part. That is I will pray about the situation. God is not sleeping on the job. He knows our greater good.

Typhoon Frank

It's only eight in the morning here. We should be at church as it is Sunday today but Mum decided against going because of typhoon Frank. It's typhoon signal # 2 here in Cavite. There was rain all night and wind is strong today. I woke up feeling cold, my knees particularly so I took a pair of pajamas and an extra shirt from the drawer and wore them to keep myself warm. It is very rarely that I wear double shirt and pajamas so I'm kind of feeling different today. I'm very sensitive to the change of seasons as it always stir memories and feelings in me.

Mum has this certain fear of typhoons particularly when the wind is strong. I'm not as afraid as her perhaps because I dont really hear the rain and the wind. Of course I feel the wind blowing and some rain get sprayed into the window screen but that's all I have of typhoons. When the winds start blowing to howling proportions, mum will be sitting at one corner of her room to pray.

Speaking of rains and typhoons, there were plenty in my life. There were ones that left me crushed and devastated. Those were the times when I learned to cry out to God and appeal to His strength. God's heart is merciful, his arms strong and everlasting.

"There is no one like the God of Jeshurun who rides in the heavens to help us and in the clouds in His majesty. The eternal God is our refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms."

Even if I cannot worship God at church today, He is in my heart and thoughts. I'm even blogging about Him, the God I cannot live without. He is the only one who deeply loves me. There was a time when He was really angry with me but His anger lasted just for a moment and his forgiveness and love for always. He is the only One who never rejected me. I always know His affection for me is very deep. He sends the rains, He allows a devastating typhoon so that I will be still and know that He is God.

Today's Blessings

Today's blessings are these orange flowers which reminded me of God's faithfulness which is new every morning.

The profusion of tiny blooms are the dama de noche or the night blooming jasmine. Last night it bloomed and gave a heavy sweet scent even our neighbors can smell. It has a superstitious belief attached to it though. Old folks believe if there is a single lady living in the house, chances are she will never marry because of the dama de noche. Arrgh! My daughter is already twenty five and single and not living in our house so she's exempt. Ok? Besides God did not assign the dama de noche to decide on single ladies' fate. That's eejit.

On nights when I can't sleep

let us get out of bed

and dance in our pajamas to the music of the approaching dawn

allow me to rest my head on your chest

and kindly caress my back

until I fall asleep.

Please carry me now back to bed

gently lest I awaken again

hold my hand and kiss it

bend and whisper to my ear the words I long to hear.