Notebook and Pens

I recieved a notebook as a New Year gift from my eldest sis Teresa. It has thick cover, with big spirals and came with two stylus fine point pens, one with black and the other with blue astroglide ink or so the label climed. I wish I could show it off here but I forgot my usb cord in NZ so I cant transfer pics from my camera into my pc. Dang dang.

The peculiar thing with me is that I treasure a gift like notebook and pen better than jewelry or clothes. And this morning I began writing my new year notes on them crisp, smelling new pages of my new notebook. I copied Romans 5:3-5 on to it. The verse is about rejoicing in suffering, which produces perseverance then character, then hope. I also reflected on God's faithfulness which is new every morning, new every New year.

Anyways, my new year's resolutions are:

1. dont be lazy, be productive, persevere

2. be frugal, be focused, take life seriously but smile

3. go back to fish, veg, and brown rice diet

4. give up coffee as soon as possible

5. trust the Lord

By the way, I also recieved a Christmas gift from my other sis Luisa. It's a diary this time but I had to leave it behind in NZ as it's a bit heavy it has to be shipped later along with my other things in a balikbayan box. So there, year 2009 will be a year of writing on my notebook, diary, and my pc. Yay!

NZ Pics

My flight back to the Philippines is on the 27th, Saturday. I have some nice pics I can't wait to upload so I will try to upload and I hope this task will not take me forever.

Hannah's birthday dress

Hannah and her friends Esther and Darlene


Hannah turned eighteen last November 2 and this is the birthday dress I made for her. She chose the design and fabric which is linen ramie. In the Philippines the fabric is called 'gusot mayaman' meaning the crumpled look of the rich. :)

NZ

I was quite late in catching the rainbow. It's almost fading but it's really lovely.



My sister Luisa and I just had to sit and watch the ducks as thE zoo is closed already. We were not able to see the animals inside the zoo. Better luck next time.

Mourning to Dancing

He has turned our mourning into dancing

He has changed our sorrows into joys

A song of praise instead of sadness

For our grief the oil of joy.

That we might be trees of righteousness

The planting of the Lord

That He might be glorified.


As far as I can remember, these are the lyrics of a song we used to sing at our summer youth camp. I love this song more than ever today.

Frilly Heart

I made a heart shaped pillow for my niece's wedding. It's made of satin material with lace ruffles, florets with pearl in center and pink ribbon.

If my heart could be as frilly as the satin heart I made, that would be coolness. But mine is a no frills heart. There is even a certain sadness in me heart. Nevertheless, I am a woman who is after God's heart of hearts.

The Bride's Maids Gowns

Jainey's


Hannah's



Heidi's

Stage Mum

My eldest son Bird (Christian San Juan) was among the round 3 winners for hugocreate.

http://hugocreate.com/en/winners.php

Rain

It's been raining here for a week now. I wish I could curl up in bed and just read but there are so many things to do...

Proof of My Busyness

I've just finished my niece Ezra's(yes niece not nephew)wedding gown. Next in line will be the bride's maid's gowns. Will bring the gowns to NZ in September.

See Beti Dance

See what I've been telling everybody, Beti can dance. I caught the dance act on my cellfone video so it's very amateurish. Beti and Oe were playing with the remnants of cloths from my sewing then Beti thought she should dance. I remembered the pink dancing tights my niece Belle used when she was small and gave it to Beti. The next dance video will be better, with music even. Promise.

Onion Induced Tears

This rainy Saturday morning I watched Annie Hall. I'm afraid Woody's aura rubbed a bit on me.Umm... what?



After the moonsoon rains,

the flodding and devastation...

it is no longer possible

to cry me a river.

Onion induced tears are more real

than cat's tears

or crocodile tears

or monkey's tears.

The pillow is more tender hearted

and its soul white and pure.

Praise the Lord, Betina is six years old!

Last Friday was Betina's birthday. She turned six. The four of them, Betina, Chloe and dad Bird and mum Chi went here yesterday and brought yema cake which I forgot to photograph. I cooked pancit bihon or fine Chinese rice noodles mixed with bits of carrots, cabbage, celery and chicken.

I was able to catch Beti and Oe on video while they were playing. Beti gave a very impressive dance performance on my bed. I even took a video of Beti drawing on the new sketch pad I gave her. Sadly the programs in my pc will not cooperate with me and won't play the video when I click play. As Ellen would say, "we need a teen-ager here" to fix the techie problem.

My son Bird lent me two dvd's of foreign language films, both films from Afghanistan. One is titled The Kite Runner and the other Osama. They were about the war and the Taliban. They were sad movies. While watching the films, I came to thinking- so these are the Muslim descendants of Ishmael. I also remembered what my eldest sister explained to me about being very careful to choose to obey and do God's will for our lives, to wait... so that we will avoid getting into an Ishmaelite situation.

Tomorrow I will go to Divisoria to buy additional fabric for the gowns I'm making. I hope the mass transport strike threat will not affect the buses going to Divisoria. Tomorrow will be SONA, too. Our lady president will deliver her Sad State of the Nation Adress. Sad because there's oil price hike every week, rice is now 40 a kilo from the original 30 a kilo, the coast guards were still trying to recover the decaying bodies from the sunken MV Princess of the Stars, the Catholic Church was rejecting the Reproductive Health Bill congress was trying to pass in a desperate effort to remedy the bursting 90 million Philippine population.

Although tomorrow I will go about my own business concerns while my militant countrymen, the laborers and farmers will gather to protest the SONA show, I will still do my part. That is I will pray about the situation. God is not sleeping on the job. He knows our greater good.

Typhoon Frank

It's only eight in the morning here. We should be at church as it is Sunday today but Mum decided against going because of typhoon Frank. It's typhoon signal # 2 here in Cavite. There was rain all night and wind is strong today. I woke up feeling cold, my knees particularly so I took a pair of pajamas and an extra shirt from the drawer and wore them to keep myself warm. It is very rarely that I wear double shirt and pajamas so I'm kind of feeling different today. I'm very sensitive to the change of seasons as it always stir memories and feelings in me.

Mum has this certain fear of typhoons particularly when the wind is strong. I'm not as afraid as her perhaps because I dont really hear the rain and the wind. Of course I feel the wind blowing and some rain get sprayed into the window screen but that's all I have of typhoons. When the winds start blowing to howling proportions, mum will be sitting at one corner of her room to pray.

Speaking of rains and typhoons, there were plenty in my life. There were ones that left me crushed and devastated. Those were the times when I learned to cry out to God and appeal to His strength. God's heart is merciful, his arms strong and everlasting.

"There is no one like the God of Jeshurun who rides in the heavens to help us and in the clouds in His majesty. The eternal God is our refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms."

Even if I cannot worship God at church today, He is in my heart and thoughts. I'm even blogging about Him, the God I cannot live without. He is the only one who deeply loves me. There was a time when He was really angry with me but His anger lasted just for a moment and his forgiveness and love for always. He is the only One who never rejected me. I always know His affection for me is very deep. He sends the rains, He allows a devastating typhoon so that I will be still and know that He is God.

Today's Blessings

Today's blessings are these orange flowers which reminded me of God's faithfulness which is new every morning.

The profusion of tiny blooms are the dama de noche or the night blooming jasmine. Last night it bloomed and gave a heavy sweet scent even our neighbors can smell. It has a superstitious belief attached to it though. Old folks believe if there is a single lady living in the house, chances are she will never marry because of the dama de noche. Arrgh! My daughter is already twenty five and single and not living in our house so she's exempt. Ok? Besides God did not assign the dama de noche to decide on single ladies' fate. That's eejit.

On nights when I can't sleep

let us get out of bed

and dance in our pajamas to the music of the approaching dawn

allow me to rest my head on your chest

and kindly caress my back

until I fall asleep.

Please carry me now back to bed

gently lest I awaken again

hold my hand and kiss it

bend and whisper to my ear the words I long to hear.

Monday's Birthday Oldie

Today's birthday girl is moi. I'm fairly happy today. Two of my sisters, two old college friends, my three kids, two nieces-in-law, mum, and Betina and Chloe wished me a happy birthday. I cooked pasta in white sauce as it's a Filipino tradition to serve noodles or pasta for one's birthday for long life. Eldest son Bird brought ube {purple yam}flavored cake and daughter Christine brought ice cream called Coffee Crumble. It is coffee flavored and has bits of cashew nuts.

Chloe was specially sweet to me today as she seem to understand that she and I celebrate our birthdays one day apart. Betina did her best to please the Lola by stringing red santan florets to form a bracelet. It was so sweet of her.

I also posted above the pic of the leftover ube cake. I can't figure out how to put captions under them pics as the pics will not appear while I'm composing my pics. Something I clicked sometime ago messed it all up.

Anyways, God is good as always He was, He is and He ever will be. I'm celebrating my birthday with a renewed hope and revived spirit. My life is in His hands and my health in His care. It is sweet.

Sunday's Birthday Gurl

Czarina Chloe, aka Oe is turning five tomorrow Sunday, June 8th. Happy birthday Oe, we-we-we! I luv yah.

First Comment

You will never know how happy I was when I discovered in my mail this morning that one fine Christian lady from Michigan had left a comment on my blog. God bless you, Ellen. :)Ellen was asking for the picture of my mum's finished crocheted curtains which she missed seeing at my January 15th post. I took new pics of them curtains specially for Ellen.

I had a fun pictorial session with my two grandaughters Betina and Chloe. Here are the pics.

Mother Blue

Today is Mother's Day and I'm feeling blue. I think the old woman who lived in a shoe is more fortunate than I am today. My only daughter who's away in Camiguin did not send me a Mother's Day greeting. It's very unlike her. I miss the time when she's in Baguio, she brought home a bouquet of Egyptian mums for me on Mother's day. I remember how carefully she wrapped the flowers so it will stay fresh after the eight hour trip home from Baguio. It makes me sad to think whether it's I or my daughter who has changed. I even have this fear that we're falling apart from each other. At least my son and his wife with their two daughters came to visit. My granddaughters cheered me up a bit. I took Chloe's measurements as she's asking me to sew her school uniforms. Betina asked me to trim her bangs as she can't see behind it anymore.

Anyways, at church early this morning we had a special Mother's day celeb. The mothers were given one rose each, and a gift (three kitchen towels). As we mothers entered the church the ushers pinned a pink ribbon on our blouse. The pastor gave a passionate sermon about the importance of a praying mother. Some fathers had a funny dance number to amuse the mothers and the youth had a tearjerker presentation.

It's ten pm now and I'm still hoping my daughter will send me a Mother's day greeting.

Mi Patria Adorada

Last week my siblings and I joined Mum on a 6 hour trip by car to Pangasinan, her birth place to sort out her land tax. We were glad to discover that Mum has some land we can inherit someday. Back when we were kids grandfather has shown us his lands. He said his land reaches beyond the coconut trees and the bamboos. Beyond the creek as far as the eyes could see. But now after almost forty years, and grandfather gone, the land he showed us back then is now a vast unfarmed land, the coconuts gone, the creek dried, and only few bamboos left.

Goodness Gracious Me

North Luzon Expressway, 7 am

Coastal road, La Union 10 am

Kennon Road, Baguio 11 am

Goodness, gracious me! I dont know how to shake this heaviness, this grey mood (not black), this certain sadness that I always call certain sadness. I tried to have a three day break and joined my siblings on their Baguio vacation. The eight hour trip made me more withdrawn and thoughout the trip I kept to myself, not talking, not listening to the talking. I composed poetry in my mind, one is titled How Does It Feel to Have a Severed Limb and the other The Arduous Trek to Bakakeng Norte. Then I tried to take pictures of the scenery we pass by from inside the moving van to entertain good, gracious me.

Anyways, the reason why I'm trying to blog is so I can shake it, so I can psyche up myself, trick myself perhaps to feel cheerful. Cheer up, cheer up, abrakadabra me.

You're a Star, Thanky!

I thought DeafRead was snobbing my blog. I was surprised to discover they have accomodated it already and have published a short post I have written. Silly me and thanks to DeafRead. I just dont know if I have to request them to publish a deafness related topic I may write everytime.

Anyways it's summer here and uncomfortably hot. All we wanna do is go to the beach or to the mall where there's airconditioning. I have much work to do. C ya later invisible folks!

I Blessed Two Little Girls and a Baby

Last night I was able to wean myself of the computer at 11:30 but in bed I had to read myself to sleep. I stashed some Reader's Digest, and old issue of National Geographic, and the three books books I was currently reading under my abrasador. I read until 12:30 before I decided I'm sleepy already. So the next morning I woke up late at 9 am. I drank a glass of cold water, ate two bananas and one Mandarin orange, read some verses from the book of Habakkuk...

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields poduce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour.

The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

... and started the sewing work I did not finish the other day.

In the afternoon I saw my former neighbor who had two lovely daughters and was surpised to see she has three daughters now. The youngest is just four months old. I like blessing babies and little children. I believe in the good that blessing can do. So I blessed the baby and the two older girls kissed my hand then I blessed them too. I feel good inside.

Tone Deaf and Jazz Ignorant

It's nine in the morning here and I'm blogging again. I've been to wikipedia and back and discovered I'm jazz ignorant. So jazz was brought to America by the African slaves and these were blues notes by black people. Can this be that after so much jazz they will end up black and blue?

This is one of the realities of being deaf. Most deaf can't sing or dance as most of us are tone-deaf also. During my early teen years I really loved to sing. But whenever I get carried away with my singing, mum would complain and would tell me to just keep my singing to myself as I'm very disintonado, she would say. I didn't know I was tone deaf then. It was only lately that I came to realize why I can't sing any of the notes my music teacher would blow on her pitch pipe. All the tones sounded the same to me.

All the music I knew during my lifetime had to do with the lyrics and not the tune or sound. If the song had good lyrics, it's a good song to me. If it has lousy lyrics like Torn Between Two Lovers or Release Me, these songs I consider junk. I think most of our songs today are the expression of our dysfuntional humanity. Umm... what?

Anyways, at least I was able to sing lullabyes to my kids when they were babies. And not just the standard nursery rhymes, ok. I know the poem Flow Gently Sweet Afton set to music and I used to sing this song to my kids. Softly, as I always remember mum's stern words that I better keep mys singing to myself.

Flow gently sweet Afton among thy green braes
flow gently I'll sing thee a song in thy praise
My Mary's asleep by thy murmuring stream
Flow gently sweet Afton, disturb not her dream.

Another song I specially liked was Steal Away to Jesus, a song sung by (again) the Negro slaves during the time they were stealing away from their white masters. Made me think the blacks were really musical people.

Steal away, steal away, steal away to Jesus
Steal away, steal away home
I ain't got long to stay here

My Lord He calls me, He calls me by the thunder
The trumpet sounds within a- my soul
I ain't got long to stay here

Green trees are bending
Po' sinners stand a-trembling
The trumpet sounds within- a my soul
I ain't got long to stay here.

Hmmm

I think DeafRead is snobbing my request that they pick a blogpost of me to feature in their site. Perhaps they think my blog is not about about deafness at all. It's more about the Lord, really.

A few days ago my eldest sis shared with me half of the half kilo bag of Starbucks coffee a nice friend gave her. My sis knew I love Starbucks very much. And to think that a few years ago we nearly gave up on coffee after reading what the Diamonds had to say about it in Fit for Life. They attacked coffe as if it was arsenic. I think I stopped drinking coffee for a good two years. But lately it's a bit cold out here so it's good to have coffee in the morning or in the afternoon to get rid of the headache or drowsiness I always feel.

This week I'm trying to read Derek Prince's God's Will for Your Life, re-reading Carson McCullers The Heart is a Lonely Hunter and A Christmas Carol all at the same time. The Christmas I'm re-reading so that I can comment on adaptation for a play my friend is writing. I'm very excited about it as I believe he can be a good writer also aside from being a good actor already. A Christmas Carol has a universal message but I think we should be very specific about it, that Christmas is somebody's birthday really and that birthday boy was Jesus in reality.

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter is a book I read during my early twenty's and the characters most memorable to me were the deaf mutes- one was an obese Greek who had nephrosis and the other a silverware engraver. I also remember the character Mick a pre-teen girl who loved Mozart. I have read a biography of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart but I have not heard any of his music as I am deaf, ok, and I choose to listen only to the basic sounds for my survival. Music would be a luxury to me. My friend loved jazz but I have no idea what jazz is really. I hope I can know as I think it's some kind of cultural class I should have knowledge of.

Derek Prince's booklet titled God's will for Your Life is a very clear presentation of God's direction for the Christian's life based on what the bible says about it. Derek said that there is nothing more tragic in a human life than aimlessness. He said we may have talent, intelligence and special abilities but without an objective our life will end in frustration because we will have accomplished very little of permanent value. Then he gave the bible reference to explain his point.

Therefore, since we are sorrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2

And speaking of running a race, I remembered Forrest Gump as aside from the three books I'm reading I'm also watching a collection of Tom Hanks movies! That's what the Americans call multitasking I think. Even when I saw my friend's photos as a young man I thought his hair was like Tom's curly and nice.

Anyways, the real reason for my blogging tonight was I kind of want to find an outlet for the many pent up feelings I've been having the past weeks. But I'm hesitant to expose myself here as I kind of believe I should be a mature, responsible, and strong person. And I also think I should not burden anybody with my own burdens as anybody is just as human as myself. And besides people especially those not in the counselling business have no patience listening to angsts and anguish whatever. It really unwise to expect from another human being the compassion only God can give. I might as well go directly to God then. And I hope I can have an honest, down to earth speaking to God about the concerns of my heart and soul. If after our conversation I will come up with something nice to post again they post I will. Meanwhile I think I have to quit now as its's late already.

Yeeees!

I've been trying hard the past months to submit my blog to anywhere it can have more readers. Then I acidentally found DeafRead. I hope the human editors will see my post about my ALD.

From tonight onwards, I will try to post more about my experiences, thoughts and feelings about my deafness. As some sites have advised- Don't be shy.

Amnesia

flowers at church last Sunday

we were at table no. 5 during our church's post valentine party

I woke up this morning with a vague pain around my neck and left shoulder. The beginnings of a stiff neck perhaps which I promptly asked the Lord to heal. There was also a little headache when I opened my eyes around 7am so I decided to sleep more and I woke up at 8:30 am. Then I saw on tv that it's a non working holiday today as it is Edsa I anniversary. I decided today is my holiday, too. I deserve a break. So since this morning, I have not done anything praiseworthy or industrious in nature. I just watched a little of SIS, a little of Takeshi's then the high noon news. I am following Lozada, ok?
Youngest son left to work and eldest son came to visit as there's no work he said. There's still the stiff neck and the tiny headache so I tried to drink the left over blue pepsi only to change my mind when I read from the label that there's aspartame in them innocent looking pepsi. I even suspected the aspartame in the pepsi I drank last night caused these fair maladies I'm experiencing today. I decided to have a cup of coffee instead and from the feel of things, coffee seemed to have cleared the headache, lessened the neck pain and perked me up so now I'm blogging.
I have been studying in my mind some of the things I learned from our bible study lessons at precepts and from the blog posts of my sis MTDTee. I think another problem area in the Christian personality is forgetfulness or in some cases full blown amnesia. You see, Sunday in and Sunday out we hear from the pulpit when the pastor speaks or when the deacon prays about Christ's finished work on the cross. It was a complete and perfect work when Christ did the will of the Father, died on the cross for our sakes so we will not suffer anymore. But by the way most of us, including me, behave it seems we're always trying to finish what Christ had already finished on the cross for us. Christ's work on the cross is complete, nothing has to be added to it. We just have to believe, continue believing and not forget. In that way we can relax and not be fidgety. We can serve the Lord with gladness, worship Him in awe, and richly bless others from the abundance of His love.

Align Our Hearts

God is calling His church to align our hearts with Him once again. It's about grace not our efforts and religious activity. The Lord is calling us to depend on the totality of His work on the cross. It is complete and sufficient. He wants us to depend on His love, be filled with it and then minister it. - Pastor Terry Somerville

This is an excerpt from an article written by Pastor Terry Somerville. It is a very profound statement, a call to the Christian churches and an appeal to every professing Christian's heart.Perhaps the reason why church activities, even praying become routine is because we forget why we became Christians in the first place. It's good to be reminded of God's complete love and abounding grace and the finished work of Christ on the cross. I think our only part is to be dependent on God's love and share this love to others. Love ya all.

Our living room, also called sala. The furniture is made from narra, Philippine hardwood and fifty years old already. This was sold to us by two Chinese wood carpenters named Iking and Peping for a few hundred pesos.

This is the curtain crocheted and finished by mum in record time - two months.

Dawn Watch

The dawn watch a Korean pastor introduced to our church is supposed to end after forty days but our church took to dawn watching like duck to water and decided we want to dawn watch till forever. Arrrrgh!

Anyways dawn watching was began by Jesus in the New Testament. It's not literally watching the early dawn and the sun rising but worshipping God and praying at church first thing in the morning, hence dawn watch. It's the coolest thing to do in the Christian life really. Aside from the joyful singing and worship singing we also do stretching and limbering exercises as in spirit and body get tuned up.

I decided that after dawn watch I will walk the three kilometers back home so I can have a proper exercise. I always wanted to do execising but I lack the discipline and thanks I now have the chance to do what I've been meaning to do all these years. So this morning was my first try. It was a success. It was pleasantly cold, and there were still few people in the street, I wore a pair of comfortable slippers and I arrived home feeling, of course, exercised. But to tell you the truth, at this moment my feet are achy, my legs tired but I promise myself I will get the hang of it by and by. It's just the beginning, ok, ok?